For those of you who emailed and commented to ask: no, the baby hasn’t come yet. I’m actually not due until mid-November, so there’s still a little ways to go. Thank you all so much for checking in, though. The actual reason I haven’t been writing is because we have been in HIDING from the triple-digit heat wave that hit Southern California over the past week.
Our saving grace has been the fact that some of our neighbors are out of town for a few weeks and they asked us to house-sit for them while they’re away. I honestly don’t know quite what we would have done if we hadn’t been able to hole up in their (air conditioned) house in the afternoons. Between that and our new van, things have been bearable.
It seems that somehow we have chosen one of the hottest summers on record here to move into a bus and possibly one of the wettest winters during which to build a house. It’s rather mind-boggling.
At any rate, here we are: 6 months of bus-dwelling under our belts and there are lots of thoughts. I have been trying to write this post for weeks now and I just can’t seem to get the words out to explain the conflicting ideas that are battling in my head.
On the one hand, I still feel very defensive and positive about the IDEA of what we are doing. I have been asked several times via the blog and friends in person about whether or not I would recommend a similar lifestyle to others, and I immediately say “yes, if you can find a way to make it work for your situation.” I still believe that many people initially balk at the idea of living in a bus simple due to social stigma.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t recommend living in a 45-year-old bus in 107 degree heat while pregnant and taking care of three children to anybody in the whole entire world EVER.
The other thing that keeps picking at me is the fact that quite honestly, even the rough parts wouldn’t actually be so bad if there were more people in the same boat. It seems like such a silly thing to say: of COURSE an uncomfortable situation is easier to bear if you’re not the only one going through it, but I think there’s something bigger there.
I think it has to do with how we allow comparison to set our expectations of what our lifestyle should be.
-Being hot isn’t fun, but it’s the sound of all the A/C units clicking on around us that makes the temperature outside seem to rise.
-Having a small indoor space poses challenges, but it feels workable until I realize how much easier it would be to homeschool if we had a huge kitchen table to work at like the neighbors.
-I am satisfied with my necessarily minimalist (maternity) wardrobe until I start noticing all the cute clothes that others are wearing.
It can definitely be harder to find contentment when you’re in a situation that nobody else around you shares. I try to remind myself often of the things we don’t miss about living in a house, but have lately been barraged by the many, many things that I realize that I DO miss about it.
I remember right before we moved in six months ago I asked Noah: “What if we love this lifestyle so much that we decide we don’t even WANT to live in a house?” Now, I feel like I am betraying the spirit of adventure that we embarked on this journey with by admitting that I REALLY, REALLY want a house!
It is very probable that a lot of this feeling is due to being 8 months pregnant in hot weather. I highly suspect that once things cool down and the baby comes I will have a whole different outlook, but I do want to be able to honestly record my shifting perspectives as we go through this.
Please note that I am very aware that It is ridiculous to feel bad for admitting that I want the very thing we set out to achieve by living in a bus, but strangely enough, I do. I will have to wrestle through THAT whole mental conflict another time.